Here’s a radical idea!
I’ve been back in the States for less than 2 weeks and I already feel fat. What. The. Deuce. I can’t pin point exactly why, although I’ve started a list: Mexican food, reunion celebrations including excess amounts of food, beer, wine and/or a variety of brown liquors, driving in lieu of walking (but never after the aforementioned booze fests), exercise-less days due to hangovers and sluggishness…
The honeymoon is over my American friends. I’m back. I’m happy to see you. I’ve missed you like crazy. But, my body is mad at me and my liver just moved out. So, let’s catch up during a walk around Town Lake, or while drinking a spot of tea instead of a shot of Southern Comfort. You people are killing me! I know you aren’t technically pouring queso and Lone Star down my gullet, but you are one hell of an enabler. I can’t resist your invitations and delectable dining suggestions. If you love me, you’ll invite me to Daily Juice or Mr. Natural for our next visit.
Leslie went to yoga early on Monday and then came over to have a coffee and co-work-sesh with my despondent ass. She told me that the day’s lesson in class was about radical responsibility – accepting full responsibility for all of our personal actions and the things that happen because of them AND accepting full responsibility for the things that “show up” in our lives. It’s interesting how the universe tends to send us the right message at the right time. My message from the divine just happened to arrive in a thick, Alabama accent that day and reminded me how silly I was trying to blame you for my feeling yucky. Sorry about that!
Radical responsibility is a self-empowering way of thinking. I truly believe we can only worry about the things we can control. If you break that down to the simplest form, the only thing you should ever worry about is yourself. Wait. Time out. I hate the word “worry” – letting your mind dwell on difficulty or troubles. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. So, let me rephrase that…we can only focus on the things we can control (and we can’t control our friends, significant others, family, the weather, or the divine SO STOP TRYING!).
So, radical responsibility in a nutshell: accept responsibility and take ownership instead of placing blame.
Accepting responsibility for my actions? Sometimes, that’s a tough pill to swallow. Especially when it means admitting that I f’d up or that I’m wrong.
Let’s break it down into something simple we can all relate to. We’ve all borrowed a friend’s favorite threads and ended up tearing the pocket of the jeans or staining the shirt in some freakishly-weird accident or promised we were expert wine drinkers and then spilled red wine on a couch cushion or rug. If you’re like me, your first thought is, “SHIT!!! Who saw that? How can I fix this ninja-style?” It feels easier to keep your mouth shut in the beginning, quickly assess the situation, make sometimes irrational decisions about your next move and then proceed swiftly albeit with caution, looking over your shoulder the entire time. Sometimes we achieve ninja status, but most of the time the wheels fall off the plan and we have to make the uncomfortable confession anyway. (Which can get pretty awkward if you’re caught in the middle of a cover-up.)
The logical and more appropriate method would be to take ownership and immediately let your unfortunate friend know what’s happened. Perhaps they have a specific seamstress they trust or a special secret to removing stains from expensive fabrics if acted upon immediately. Or, maybe those jeans don’t even fit them anymore and they couldn’t care less. See, those facts make owning your responsibility seem like a smarter option. Almost like you’d be an idiot for trying your ninja skills at southern engineering instead. That’s radical responsibility in a tangible sense.
What about radical responsibility of our non-verbal communication and actions? Have you ever led someone on? You know that a person likes you romantically and you enjoy and appreciate the attention, but have no desire or intention of ever dating them. You might say to them, “I enjoy your company, but I’m really not interested in dating anyone right now.” You were somewhat clear with your words, but in an attempt to spare their feelings you told a half-truth. You still meet them for happy hour in a group setting and let them buy your drinks. You smile. You get drunk. You flirt (it seems innocent enough). Why not? It’s fun. I told them I wasn’t interested in dating. The old saying, “actions speak louder than words” is important to remember right about now because your non-verbal communication is saying to that person, “There’s a chance”. Subsequently, all of the stalker-style text messages, late night calls and strange gifts you receive from your suitor are nobody’s fault but your own. Radical responsibility means you have to take ownership for creating the situation and fix it.
I could continue with the examples, but the bottom line is this…Don’t play the blame game. Don’t be a victim. If you don’t like something that’s happening in your life, change it! BE CONFIDENT in yourself to affect the changes you want to see in your own life and courageously accept the responsibilities that go along with that.
When shit’s going down in my life I’m glad that I’m in charge of my own destiny. I’m most confident when I’m behind the wheel making the tough decisions. That’s where you should strive to be – when shit hits the fan there should be no one you need to call to make a decision for you because you truly believe you’re the best person to handle the situation. Get there. Adopt that attitude – Handle your business and navigate your own life. (By the way, this mindset makes the blame component completely disappear.) Start using that empowering energy to create new opportunities for yourself. Meaningful, exciting, amazing things are just waiting for you to summon them into your life. But, first you must wash your hands of the things you don’t like, don’t want and don’t need anymore. Stop giving those things (people, ideas, fears, etc.) attention and letting them occupy space in your brain. They’re cobwebs, so clear them out and make room for the good stuff that’s right around the corner.
If you don’t like homework, just make a quick mental log of the things that need the axe in your life and then make a conscious effort to be done with them. If you’re a list person, make an “I don’t want this anymore, I want this instead” list. Spell it all out, keep the list handy so you can look at it every day and make a concerted effort to check things off as you free yourself from them and celebrate when they’re replaced with positive abundance.
Work it, baby. Work it. Own it!
Yes, you can handle this and you’re going to feel radical.
