Capisce?

• By Johanna Nuding+
• Posted in Change, Italy, Life, Travel, Unsolicited Advice
• On July 20, 2012
• 3 Comments.

There’s a difference between being stared at and being judged.

I’ve learned to smile through the stares because people, by nature, are curious. Don’t get me wrong. I can feel if someone’s intention isn’t kind when they’re examining me. On the bus, for example, I do get the occasional, “Biatch, you are standing way too close to my man” stare. But that’s rare. (And not my fault…the bus gets packed most of the time!)

Here, in Italy, I know I’m different. And, I don’t blame people for staring. My accento sounds a little (or a lot) funny. I do an exceptional amount of nonverbal communicating – I feel like I’m playing charades and get super excited when the message sent is accurately received. I smile a bunch at people who don’t smile back. I find myself hungry and requesting food at odd times of the day (for them). I want to sit and savor my caffe. Italians shoot theirs like whiskey standing at the bar and are out the door in less than 3 minutes. The list goes on and on, but my being different isn’t the real point.

I think the lesson is that it’s okay to be aware of and acknowledge people’s differences – and even stare sometimes. Maintaining a healthy curiosity throughout life is a wonderful teacher and motivator. But when you’re staring, how do you feel inside? What is your intention? Because that’s the catalyst here that quickly turns an innocent stare into the passing of judgment.

Let’s break it down…

When you stare, are you filled with wonder and curiosity like a child? None of us care if a baby is staring at us…we typically smile and make faces and play back – not yell, “What the hell are you looking at, BABY?!?” Why? Because we know their curiosity is innocent and natural.

Or, when you see someone different from you, are you overcome by judgment due to fear, ignorance and/or insecurity? I PROMISE YOU people can “see” what you feel on the inside by the way your carry yourself in their presence. Do you become curt? Does your tone of voice change? Maybe you inadvertently begin crinkling your forehead, cutting your eyes, crossing your arms or turning up your nose. The fake smile can be spotted from a mile away. We’ve all given and received a few of those…And, from what I recall, it doesn’t feel good for either party.

Back to the point…if you’re staring at someone for the reason noted in the paragraph above, then I’d seriously encourage you to suck it up, summon your inner-child and have a pleasant interaction with them. Why? Because it will make you a better, more tolerant human being. How might you go about it? Simply look for common ground by using your amazing skills of observation! Maybe you like their shoes, or they have great sunglasses or beautiful hair or you noticed they’re reading a book you just finished. Genuinely smile and pay them a compliment. I have never in my life met someone who didn’t appreciate a sincere commendation.

“Great book choice! Are you loving it?”
“Wow, those are great shoes! Your legs look amazing.”
“Those are really smart glasses. You’ve got excellent taste.”

You get the idea…it’s easy to be nice and complimentary. It can take you less than 10 seconds to make someone’s entire day. And, that feels pretty good for you, too. It’s a win-win!

Regardless if we’re in Texas, Italy, Senegal or the North Pole, people are the same. We’re all a little insecure and just want to experience love and joy and belonging while we’re on this earth. At least that’s what I think.

If you HAD to break down the measure of a life well-lived into three words what would they be?
I just told you mine: LOVE, JOY, BELONGING.

Knowing the innate desires of your soul will help you thrive and truly live your best life. And, there’s no time like the present. Literally. There’s no guarantees on tomorrow.

So get started! Do a little soul searching. You’ll thank yourself later when you’re thumbing through the best memories of your life. And, next time you get caught staring, remember to flash those pearly whites and let the compliments flow!

You looked really great reading this blog post, by the way. So smart and engaging…And, what a wonderful listener! *wink*